Lois Einhorn

Forgiveness and Child Abuse:
Would YOU Forgive?

Forgiveness and Child Abuse: Would YOU Forgive?

by Lois Einhorn, Ph. D.
Foreword by Arun Gandhi

With contributions by: Mumia Abu-Jamal, Patch Adams, M.D., Edward Asner, Rubin “Hurricane” Carter, Laura Davis, Thomas F. Eagleton, Albert Ellis, Ph.D., Paul Ferrini, Lynne Finney, J.D., M.S.W., Arun Gandhi, Linda Hogan, Rabbi Steven Jacobs, Derrick Jensen, Bill T. Jones, Mary Elizabeth King, Ph.D., Sammy Lee, M.D., Robert Muller, Ph.D., Bob Plath, J.D., Daniel Quinn, Robert C. Scaer, M.D., Pete Seeger, Bernie Siegel, M.D., Gerry Spence, J.D., Mike Thaler, Richard E. Vatz, Ph.D, Kurt Waldheim, Kenneth Wapnick, 2 death row prisoners, and many others.

The terror set in on Fridays. Would this be a weekend of lengthy ritualistic abuse?  Employing techniques similar to those used in Nazi concentration camps, author Lois Einhorn’s father and mother physically and sexually abused her and her sister. They forced the girls to torture each other and to torture and destroy live and stuffed animals. Dying would have been a relief. For years, Lois suffered agonizing anguish and guilt because she acquiesced, complied, and succumbed to her parents’ power.  Could she ever forgive?

During her healing process, Dr. Einhorn shared her story with influential people from a variety of fields, including clergy, politicians, authors, entertainers, doctors, professors, psychologists, and even death-row prisioners. She asked them: “What would YOU do?” You are a child in a family that sadistically abuses. You are forced to torture and destroy. What should you do now as an adult? Do you forgive your parents? HOW do you forgive yourself?

Arun Gandhi says, “Lois Einhorn deals with one of the most despicable aspects of crime plaguing modern society.”   Bernie Siegel describes this book as “full of wisdom, insight and truth from a powerful assembly of scholars, writers, and visionaries.  Profound reading.”  Tamarack Song considers Forgiveness and Child Abuse as “an indispensable healing companion for anyone who has suffered abuse.”

Readers cannot agree with all 53 responses: they are inherently contradictory. This is a unique and powerful book destined to encourage discussion, dialogue, and debate. The responses to Lois’s questions exemplify a wide variety of viewpoints, some prone to stir controversy and many to stimulate changes in personal, community, national, and international consciousness. For example, Arun Gandhiï’s response essentially says that the problems in the Middle East result from the Jewish people’s “inability to forgive Hitler.”

In the Afterword, Einhorn describes how reading the responses made forgiveness go from an "F" word to a reality: She forgives her parents. She also explains how she forgave herself and can help others on their healing journey.

Terrorism won’t end, Lois argues, until we end violence in all its forms - racism, hate crimes, domestic violence, child abuse, abuse of the Earth, wars - the list goes on. We need more than ever to deal with forgiveness and rise above the desire for revenge.

About one out of three girls and one out of seven boys are sexually abused by the age of eighteen, and revelations of abuse in the Catholic Church are widespread. Child prostitution and child pornography are multibillion-dollar-a-year businesses. In addition to the many personal crimes against children, we are living through a war that many citizens oppose, and we deal daily with fears of terrorist attacks.   Forgiveness and Child Abuse:  Would YOU Forgive? challenges readers to move from a paradigm of revenge and fear to one of love and forgiveness, regardless of the severity of the atrocities.

Dr. Einhorn is in her 29th year as Professor of Communication at the State University of New York’s University Center at Binghamton. Highly accomplished, she is widely published as the author of four previous books and many articles; has had a long list of honors, awards and grants bestowed upon her including five major teaching awards (often the youngest then and since to receive these honors), and has been active in university, professional, and community service.

Largely because of the questions she raised in the process of writing Forgiveness and Child Abuse Dr. Lois Einhorn was honored as a 2004 Heroine of Forgiveness, Reconciliation, and Peace by the World Forgiveness Alliance on International Forgiveness Day, August 1, 2004 - an award previously given to Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Nelson Mandela, and Desmond Tutu. Her name is spreading in news organizations as an expert on the topic of forgiveness as she becomes involved in national discussions.